The End.

She says "wake up, it's no use pretending". I'll keep stealing, breathing her. Birds are leaving over Autumn's ending. One of us will die inside these arms. Eyes wide open, naked as we came. One will spread our ashes round the yard.

She says "If I leave before you darling, don't you waste me in the ground." I lay smiling like our sleeping children. One of us will die inside these arms. Eyes wide open, naked as we came. One will spread our ashes round the yard.

I think I'm going to start a new blog. I just had an idea. haha

I plan on updating it a lot more and I'll be sure to let everyone know where it is. (:

EDIT:
Here's the link. (:



Love to all.


△

oh gabi gabi

I was reminded of a friend tonight whom I met last year and only got to spend a few short months with before she left for her own city, in Brazil. I love these memories and can't believe I had nearly forgotten them.

I'm going to just record our conversations on facebook since that's all we really talk on, but I just want to.

Oh these are the friends I remember from some of the best times of my life, and I'm so glad they happened.

Gabriela Diniz mercedes (!) oh mercedes >.<>

Merecedes Nelson Oh gabi!!! I'm going to miss you so much too!! D:
I don't want you to ever leave... :(

Merecedes Nelson I love you so much and our goodbye was so short... D:

Gabriela Diniz fuckkkk cedes, it was so hard today to leave that city not knowing if im ever coming back, it was hard... and hell, im gonna miss you guys so much, fuck that, thats fucked up lil cedes, fucked up.
i love you so, seriously, lets keep in touch, penpal!

Merecedes Nelson ah, I know, I know.... D:
I love you Gabi!! on that last night that I was with you I went home and cried...... gosh...
but I promised you I'd see you again and I won't break it!! :)

Gabriela Diniz oooh, dont you ever cry because of me cedes ><><

Gabriela Diniz heeeeey i want my pictures taken by roarie in the last day, ><

Gabriela Diniz i want my pictures meeereecedes ><

Merecedes Nelson

I'm sorry I haven't put those pictures up yet my friend..... D:

I'm going to try and get them up in the next few days for you though and we're all finishing our package to send to you!!
I've just been so busy with work and ever...ything....
I got a job taking pictures for this boy who makes websites! :DD

Gabriela Diniz

oooh! thanx lil mereeeecedes, what a cute thing.
did u send me yet? i'm excited to get them! really, thanks, i'm gonna make a package too :D
and i'll wait for the pictures, don't rusj yourself (:
are u making money with that?

Gabriela Diniz where aremy pictures sweeet merecedes>< ?

Gabriela Diniz

merecedes, here it is... i was lying in my bed, in the middle of the night and i started reminding about all of you, and about how much fun i had by your side.
i might be really far away from you and stuff, but i still feel you guys.
good friends can&...#039;t be forgotten that easy, and i started crying like crazy, cause i miss you all so much, i miss our little adventures, i miss calling to the radio to listen to 'hate me'
or lazy eye. i miss everything, jeeesus.
i love you so, sweetie.

Merecedes Nelson

oh Gabi..... I love you and I miss you and I'm crying.... not even joking I read that and started crying and gosh. you're so so wonderful and I promised you I'd see you again and I will I will!!
we'll have so many more adventures ...Gabi oh we will and you can take as many pictures with Rory as you want and we'll go to the park and take our naps by the bank of the river and it will just be beautiful and nice.
Oh I love you I love you I love you I love you so so so much and you're so beautiful. gosh you're right good friends can't be forgotten easy and I still have that little picture of you that you gave me from some paper haha and I need to find a nice locket to put it in and it will be wonderful and good. oh gabi.

In My Mind I'm Having A Pretty Good Time With You

Ah, so as I said in my last post, this song was basically my theme song for Lifelight this year. I also found out about this song and this band at Lifelight! :D
Their new Cd was only 5 dolla and I loved it, so it was all real great. (:

anyways.



So everyone basically knows about Luke and all that stuff...

and gosh. haha. I dunno.

He was real nice and sweet and silly and I just wanted to kiss him. Y'know?
So I did. :P

And I know some people might make a big deal about the fact that he's 20, but I really don't give a fuck, because to me age is never even a factor in anything.

Also, I know a lot of my friends wanted to hear all about it and such and I don't really care if everybody knows every little detail and stuff, (because really there wasn't even that much,) but I found it hard to describe it all. Which probably sounds weird, but it's true. I just find it hard to describe everything.
I love talking about the entire weekend and especially that night with Candy and Kelsey, because they were right there with me the whole time. (: Right there on the other side of Luke! haha

oh but it was all really wonderful and beautiful and I still wish I was there, and I still get really sad and almost cry even because I miss Lifelight so much...
But that happens every year so whatevs. I'll get over it soon.


Ah wow I forgot how good warm milk is. (:




I really think there's something wrong with me.
Like, I've tried to explain it to some people but then I just sound dumb, and maybe I sound dumb right now, but really, I just.... I don't know.
I'm forgetting. Forgetting so much. Forgetting all the things I see, mostly.

I can still remember feelings, like Aj's hand in mine, or Luke's scruffy face, or hundreds of bodies pressed close to mine in the mosh pit. Or the smells I can remember so so well. But I can't remember very well what things look like. Or what happened.... Like I honestly can say I can't remember one specific detail from yesterday.

haha or maybe I'm just being silly.
I don't know and don't care much anymore.

But that's one of the reasons why I love taking pictures. I can never forget then.

And I didn't take a picture of Luke's face and I can't remember what he or Josh looked like..... ah.


School and just life in general I guess is desensitizing me. I'm becoming very jaded, and I don't really think that's bad. I'm detached from everyone and it's nice. I do worry about everyone's problems and my own problems still, but not really. I feel like that's someone else. They're doing all of that for me, but me, myself, really doesn't feel those things anymore. Or maybe I do. I can't tell.

I have no idea what I'm saying, but the feeling of the keyboard beneath my moving fingers is nice because I've forgotten how much I love writing and I really know that my writing skills have died a lot and I really need to do something to revive them.






I tied several balloons to the leaves of this tree and now we are gone and no one believes the colors I see in the sky
and this wall is too thick and filled with leaves of an endangered plant living in my bathroom closet
So now I'm looking in your eyes and the sounds I hear from them are anything but soothing yet you know it will not hold me.



ah I love just writing things like that.
None of it makes sense but it just seems beautiful.
Because words are so beautiful.

Don't Fall Asleep We Don't Want To Miss A Moment

I know you said it all would be just fine
And i know that changes come with time
So sometimes i don’t want the times to change
And i know that tomorrow you'll be gone
So i know tomorrow we'll move on
But maybe part of us will stay the same

Don't fall asleep
We don't want to miss a moment
Cause tonight might be the best night of our lives
Don't close your eyes
We could stay right here forever
Cause tonight might be the best night of our lives

I know sometimes i fight to keep things right
Fighting ends up such a waste of time
The time will spend a time we had right now
Feeling like we don’t know what’s to come
We'll be thinking where we first begun
And trying to relive it all somehow

Don't fall asleep
We don't want to miss a moment
Cause tonight might be the best night of our lives
Don't close your eyes
We could stay right here forever
Cause tonight might be the best night of our lives

We think we’re heading somewhere
Don’t say goodbye tonight
But we’re not going nowhere
So don’t say goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye

Don't fall asleep
We don't want to miss a moment
Cause tonight might be the best night of our lives
Don't close your eyes
We could stay right here forever
Cause tonight might be the best night of our lives
Oh, tonight might be the best night
Tonight might be the best night
Tonight might be the best night of our lives


Ah, this whole song basically sums up my weekend at Lifelight. (:(:(:

I'll tell all about it in my next post, but I love this so much I thought it deserved it's own post. ;D