Ah. So much has changed.


Sooooo much for the better. (:






And I want to let everyone know I'm sorry.
just for anything i've ever done to wrong you.... I'm sorry.

pls forgive me? :)



Um.

I'm done swearing.

I've had kind of a life changing experience I guess.
I dunno, I guess I just kinda forgot how great Jesus is and how much He has done for me and it took a weekend surrounded by loving, caring, crazy people who all love God to bring me back to the right path. (:(:(:


and....

haha. It's just so nice.

I've forgiven everyone that hurt me and I don't have all that stuff piled up on my shoulders now that used to make me so sad and upset all the time. I don't feel upset about any of that anymore and ah...

it's just so wonderful to be happy again. (:(:(:(:(:(:






I love you all! :DDDDD

The Wandering Things.

I need to get up real early tomorrow and it's already past one, so I'm gonna say a few things that pop into my head and then bailll.

kthanx.



First of all;;;;;

Michael Jackson just died. Oh fuck.
I'm very sorry sir, and I hope you have a wonderful afterlife.

Nexxxt;;

I've realized that I don't like most of the pictures I've been taking lately and I don't like the fact that I hardly know what I'm doing photography wise, so I'm going to be taking a break from everything else and I'll be spending a lot of time at Barnes and Nobles or something and read up on Photography books to make sure my skills can become hella dank.

mmmmmm;;;;;;

I'm sick of the way I look.
And you know what? I used to make myself vomit. Pretty much all of last year.
Nobody even knows how fucking much I hate the way I loook, but it's okay. (:
I don't do that anymore, though, btw.
I'm exercising a hella lot and not eating as much shit and I've completely stopped drinking soda and now I'm drinking a lot more water.


Another thing;;;;;;;;

I love my bro.
don't get me wrong with how much shit I talk about him all the time, and I'm always going to talk shit about him and make fun of him because he does the same to me and it doesn't even matter.

And then some;;;;;

I like to smoke.
Weed, cigarettes, they're both all right, although I'd probably choose a cigarette over weed.
I like it, though.
I'm not fucking stupid, I know how bad it is for me, but I really just don't give a fuck.

I'm probably going to start smoking more weed soon because I have a friend that grows it himself and everything and we've been hanging out more lately and yeah it's just great and stuffff.

ruffruff;;;;;;

I've been reading everyone else's blogs::::
Libby's
Rich's
Tasha's

and I don't really have anything to say regarding any of them, because I'm sick of dealing with shit like that...
I'm sorry if that sounds bitchy or cold or whatevs but at this point stupid drama over other people has simply lost my interest, and the only true love I have or will ever have is Rory.

And Love;;;;;;










I told you that I was in love with you.
And you told me that was the most beautiful thing you'd ever heard.
Fuck.
I didn't ask for this. You made this. I just can't do this anymore.
I've cried over you and I was so fucking scared because I was in love with you so much but I've been taught my whole life that it's wrong for two girls to be in love or to do some of the things we did but I was in love with you and it didn't matter and I was so scared so scared and now I'm just tired tired tired.

Just For Youuuuuu.

K, so I made a mixtape just for you guys. (:

Go get it and download it and love it!! :D



It's just a random assortment of songs from my computer. :P




http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=635ca76bcf17638536df4e8dca141969e04e75f6e8ebb871





Love!

The Rhythm of a Stranger's Skin

Ahahahahahaha! This is the best fucking song everrrrr. (:


It just makes me giggle.


Baby, you're just too legit. :P




Ah... So it's been quite a while since I've written on here, huh?

Ah... I just forget about everything so easily anymore.






Oh, so I went to Italy.

Please go to my flickr and look at all my photos. (:

Italy was so beautiful. all the people there were gorgeous and the sound of their voices was just nice and good. ah....

I know it's really terrible, but I didn't really miss anyone at all. Especially my family.

Speaking of family, I'm fucking done with chris.



He hates me and anymore I don't even like him. he's a dick and he's fucked up his life so much and now he wants to drag me down with him and he's so so good at manipulating everyone around him to get exactly what he wants.
I"m fucking done.


Just so long as he doesn't die, I don't care what he does anymore.



I want a fucking cigarette.

No I don't.

I just want to be with people and smoke some cigarettes and talk about life..... ah.........


Since I've gotten back from Italy everything has just blurred together and I can never become fully awake and I can never feel things like I used to....


















I've come to the realization that nothing really matters.

But I Consume You.

This is my favorite song right now! :O
I've almost memorized it! haha.

except this is the only one I can't find and download on limewire... :/



But anywhos.

I was chattin' it up on the Neopets boards (total nerd right thur. ;D) and people told me about a bunch of great bands and I love! :D




But I need to go to Deadwood now! :D



toodles!

You Can Show Off Your Light

Ah... So it's 12:02 AM and I'm not even tired. :D

No, no, I'm not on anything, although I wouldn't blame you for assuming after my last post. I was coming down when I posted that...

Fuuuccckkkk.

I hated coming down. It was the worst.


But Kaycie had a really pretty bong... :D
It makes the silliest noise, too... haha.
And I really wanted the pipe. Just to hold in my mouth and walk around with. Y'know?

Oh gosh. I called Travis when it was finally starting to hit me. I probably took the most hits, besides Dyllan. It just wasn't working at first... And Kaycie said that a lot of people don't get high their first time, which kind of dissapointed me. So they just kept giving me more turns to take a hit... Haha.

And then it hit me like a fucking brick wall.

It was great at the time.


Nothing mattered. Everything was distant and good. I didn't care about anything. My legs and arms and my whole body was just heavy and then light and then heavy again. My mom texted me something at one point and I just started cheesin' out.

It was great.


Until I had to go home.

I had already started coming down after Little Ceasar's...

Oh gosh. That was one of the worst parts.
We went to go get pizza at Little ceasars and everything was so fast. Everything was really defined, too. I could see everything but I couldn't focus on any of it, and I'd blink and I'd be somewhere else. Fuck, I hated it. I think the guy working could tell, too. I know I kept looking everywhere and at everything, so I bet I looked rather odd, if anything.

And then I didn't feel normal again until later that night.


Fuck.

I like cigarettes better, although I wouldn't want to smoke anything without sharing it with another person. I dunno, I just don't see the point in smoking alone. It seems like more of a social thing to me, and it's not like the buzz from cigarettes is that great anyways. :/

And weed is only good when you're with other people because otherwise you're just sitting alone cheesin' out at whatever and just... Shit. shitty shitty shit.
Fuck.


Me and Travis shared a cigarette at work the other day. They tasted kinda like caramel. haha. :P



Ah... I would make a post like Libby and Steph's, but I've only ever had one boyfriend, and he was pretty cool. We're still friends and all.
I broke it off because I could never see myself spending the rest of my life with him, and because I didn't like kissing him. :/

But we're still good friends and we play Pokemon together! :D



Ah, but I digress.

I rented Requiem for a Dream today, so I'm going to watch that right now.
:)

Nighty night, kittens!


I love!

Then When I Turn Jet Black

Hehe.
Silly videos for a silly girl's blog post. (:

I was sooooooo baked this morning... teehee.

But I'm tired now after such an exciting day, so I'm gonna go to bed and I'll tell you guys all about it tomorrow. ;D

Love! =D