I'll Be Your Sky

Please, remember me.


I'm jaded and numb.
I can't feel things anymore.

Everything that should make me cry just leaves me feeling blank.



I want to paint.

I want to take pictures.
I just want to go everywhere and take pictures.

Everything is.

it is.


Fuck. Why does it all matter?
I had waited so long for my first kiss, because that's what's supposed to happen. And then, because you waited so long for it to be with that special, right person, then something magical happens and you both fall in love and eventually you get married and then you make love and it's all beautiful and wonderful.

But.. It didn't. My first kiss didn't even feel special or nice or good or magical
or anything.

I didn't understand.

And good girls aren't supposed to do much else besides kissing, so I never did. We made out all the time.

And there was never anything there.

I always found myself drifting off with my thoughts, thinking about what I was going to do later that night, what homework I still had to do, etc. It just wasn't anything I even enjoyed.

And that's mainly why I broke it off.


I mean, why shouldn't I just go out and have sex, if that's what guys want and if it's never going to feel special or good or magical or anything? It's just what we're all supposed to do to continue our species.
It's just mating.
It's just survival.


Things are so fucked up.

But I love you.