The End.

She says "wake up, it's no use pretending". I'll keep stealing, breathing her. Birds are leaving over Autumn's ending. One of us will die inside these arms. Eyes wide open, naked as we came. One will spread our ashes round the yard.

She says "If I leave before you darling, don't you waste me in the ground." I lay smiling like our sleeping children. One of us will die inside these arms. Eyes wide open, naked as we came. One will spread our ashes round the yard.

I think I'm going to start a new blog. I just had an idea. haha

I plan on updating it a lot more and I'll be sure to let everyone know where it is. (:

EDIT:
Here's the link. (:



Love to all.


△

oh gabi gabi

I was reminded of a friend tonight whom I met last year and only got to spend a few short months with before she left for her own city, in Brazil. I love these memories and can't believe I had nearly forgotten them.

I'm going to just record our conversations on facebook since that's all we really talk on, but I just want to.

Oh these are the friends I remember from some of the best times of my life, and I'm so glad they happened.

Gabriela Diniz mercedes (!) oh mercedes >.<>

Merecedes Nelson Oh gabi!!! I'm going to miss you so much too!! D:
I don't want you to ever leave... :(

Merecedes Nelson I love you so much and our goodbye was so short... D:

Gabriela Diniz fuckkkk cedes, it was so hard today to leave that city not knowing if im ever coming back, it was hard... and hell, im gonna miss you guys so much, fuck that, thats fucked up lil cedes, fucked up.
i love you so, seriously, lets keep in touch, penpal!

Merecedes Nelson ah, I know, I know.... D:
I love you Gabi!! on that last night that I was with you I went home and cried...... gosh...
but I promised you I'd see you again and I won't break it!! :)

Gabriela Diniz oooh, dont you ever cry because of me cedes ><><

Gabriela Diniz heeeeey i want my pictures taken by roarie in the last day, ><

Gabriela Diniz i want my pictures meeereecedes ><

Merecedes Nelson

I'm sorry I haven't put those pictures up yet my friend..... D:

I'm going to try and get them up in the next few days for you though and we're all finishing our package to send to you!!
I've just been so busy with work and ever...ything....
I got a job taking pictures for this boy who makes websites! :DD

Gabriela Diniz

oooh! thanx lil mereeeecedes, what a cute thing.
did u send me yet? i'm excited to get them! really, thanks, i'm gonna make a package too :D
and i'll wait for the pictures, don't rusj yourself (:
are u making money with that?

Gabriela Diniz where aremy pictures sweeet merecedes>< ?

Gabriela Diniz

merecedes, here it is... i was lying in my bed, in the middle of the night and i started reminding about all of you, and about how much fun i had by your side.
i might be really far away from you and stuff, but i still feel you guys.
good friends can&...#039;t be forgotten that easy, and i started crying like crazy, cause i miss you all so much, i miss our little adventures, i miss calling to the radio to listen to 'hate me'
or lazy eye. i miss everything, jeeesus.
i love you so, sweetie.

Merecedes Nelson

oh Gabi..... I love you and I miss you and I'm crying.... not even joking I read that and started crying and gosh. you're so so wonderful and I promised you I'd see you again and I will I will!!
we'll have so many more adventures ...Gabi oh we will and you can take as many pictures with Rory as you want and we'll go to the park and take our naps by the bank of the river and it will just be beautiful and nice.
Oh I love you I love you I love you I love you so so so much and you're so beautiful. gosh you're right good friends can't be forgotten easy and I still have that little picture of you that you gave me from some paper haha and I need to find a nice locket to put it in and it will be wonderful and good. oh gabi.

In My Mind I'm Having A Pretty Good Time With You

Ah, so as I said in my last post, this song was basically my theme song for Lifelight this year. I also found out about this song and this band at Lifelight! :D
Their new Cd was only 5 dolla and I loved it, so it was all real great. (:

anyways.



So everyone basically knows about Luke and all that stuff...

and gosh. haha. I dunno.

He was real nice and sweet and silly and I just wanted to kiss him. Y'know?
So I did. :P

And I know some people might make a big deal about the fact that he's 20, but I really don't give a fuck, because to me age is never even a factor in anything.

Also, I know a lot of my friends wanted to hear all about it and such and I don't really care if everybody knows every little detail and stuff, (because really there wasn't even that much,) but I found it hard to describe it all. Which probably sounds weird, but it's true. I just find it hard to describe everything.
I love talking about the entire weekend and especially that night with Candy and Kelsey, because they were right there with me the whole time. (: Right there on the other side of Luke! haha

oh but it was all really wonderful and beautiful and I still wish I was there, and I still get really sad and almost cry even because I miss Lifelight so much...
But that happens every year so whatevs. I'll get over it soon.


Ah wow I forgot how good warm milk is. (:




I really think there's something wrong with me.
Like, I've tried to explain it to some people but then I just sound dumb, and maybe I sound dumb right now, but really, I just.... I don't know.
I'm forgetting. Forgetting so much. Forgetting all the things I see, mostly.

I can still remember feelings, like Aj's hand in mine, or Luke's scruffy face, or hundreds of bodies pressed close to mine in the mosh pit. Or the smells I can remember so so well. But I can't remember very well what things look like. Or what happened.... Like I honestly can say I can't remember one specific detail from yesterday.

haha or maybe I'm just being silly.
I don't know and don't care much anymore.

But that's one of the reasons why I love taking pictures. I can never forget then.

And I didn't take a picture of Luke's face and I can't remember what he or Josh looked like..... ah.


School and just life in general I guess is desensitizing me. I'm becoming very jaded, and I don't really think that's bad. I'm detached from everyone and it's nice. I do worry about everyone's problems and my own problems still, but not really. I feel like that's someone else. They're doing all of that for me, but me, myself, really doesn't feel those things anymore. Or maybe I do. I can't tell.

I have no idea what I'm saying, but the feeling of the keyboard beneath my moving fingers is nice because I've forgotten how much I love writing and I really know that my writing skills have died a lot and I really need to do something to revive them.






I tied several balloons to the leaves of this tree and now we are gone and no one believes the colors I see in the sky
and this wall is too thick and filled with leaves of an endangered plant living in my bathroom closet
So now I'm looking in your eyes and the sounds I hear from them are anything but soothing yet you know it will not hold me.



ah I love just writing things like that.
None of it makes sense but it just seems beautiful.
Because words are so beautiful.

Don't Fall Asleep We Don't Want To Miss A Moment

I know you said it all would be just fine
And i know that changes come with time
So sometimes i don’t want the times to change
And i know that tomorrow you'll be gone
So i know tomorrow we'll move on
But maybe part of us will stay the same

Don't fall asleep
We don't want to miss a moment
Cause tonight might be the best night of our lives
Don't close your eyes
We could stay right here forever
Cause tonight might be the best night of our lives

I know sometimes i fight to keep things right
Fighting ends up such a waste of time
The time will spend a time we had right now
Feeling like we don’t know what’s to come
We'll be thinking where we first begun
And trying to relive it all somehow

Don't fall asleep
We don't want to miss a moment
Cause tonight might be the best night of our lives
Don't close your eyes
We could stay right here forever
Cause tonight might be the best night of our lives

We think we’re heading somewhere
Don’t say goodbye tonight
But we’re not going nowhere
So don’t say goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye

Don't fall asleep
We don't want to miss a moment
Cause tonight might be the best night of our lives
Don't close your eyes
We could stay right here forever
Cause tonight might be the best night of our lives
Oh, tonight might be the best night
Tonight might be the best night
Tonight might be the best night of our lives


Ah, this whole song basically sums up my weekend at Lifelight. (:(:(:

I'll tell all about it in my next post, but I love this so much I thought it deserved it's own post. ;D

Time to Pretend

oh hai that's me. (:



Well. Today was a good day.

Like, really wonderful, with not much bad stuff in it, apart from the usual bitchy parents and stuff.

It was my last first day of high school.



Several things made this day wonderful;;;;;

first, all of my classes are super fun and slack!! haha. (: Media production was a blast with ethan as my filming buddy and we played with a toy pony we found in the control room! lol. Then Lan was in my foods class, so I know that's just going to be delightful as well. ;D Lunch. Of course. (: And then there's photography. I shouldn't need to say more. (plus the teacher is fucking CRAZY!!!!! hahahahahaha!!!! I love her so so so so so much because she's just soooo so so silly!!!!!!) and I have a whole boat load of friends in Consumer Math and I even talked to Zoey and we're kinda friends or whatever now. :D and then I sit next to two nice girls in my graphics class, plus I'll learn how to edit all my photos in there so I'm obviously real excited. (:(:(:

also;;;;; I got to see tons of friends that I hadn't seen all summer, and I'll get to see them almost everyday now. (:(:(:(:(:

and lastly;;;; me and becca are friends again. (:

No one knows how happy this makes me.
and it was just nice because we can hold hands again and it's just good. (:

I can. I will. I am. CHANGE.

i can. i will. i am. CHANGE. from holly henry on Vimeo.

The Change project I participated in. Please just watch the video and then go to my flickr and then Holly's Flickr and the Change website to find out more about it. (: (: (:

My Flickr

Holly's Flickr

CHANGE website

Thanks. :DDD

Fuck the Scene

and shake it like some chocolate milk.

ah se7en please do me nowwwwwwwwww.




BC13 (:(:(:(:(:


;D hahahaha soooo greatt. So. Me and my best friend morgan were talking the other and you know what's really fucking stupid about all the scene kids? when they're all "oh no no I'm not scene!!!!" or the scene queens especially like one at my school who's all "fuck the scene" ahhhh. hahahahahahaha. lollolol you've worked sooo hard to get where you are, to add all the people on myspace, getting the extensions, the coon tails, all the right makeup, going to all the shows........ why deny it? it's what you fucking wanted right? then learn to take a fucking compliment and accept it!!!! oh my gawsh it's sooo fucking stupid. grrrrr. So anyways. that's really all I wanted to say I guess. lololol. getting my hair cut and bleached in just a couple weekssss. taking pictures for zack today (I got a photography job. :D) and working at the movie theater tonight (I still haven't quit! :P) mmmmmmmmmm go look at my flickrrr please.

Ah. So much has changed.


Sooooo much for the better. (:






And I want to let everyone know I'm sorry.
just for anything i've ever done to wrong you.... I'm sorry.

pls forgive me? :)



Um.

I'm done swearing.

I've had kind of a life changing experience I guess.
I dunno, I guess I just kinda forgot how great Jesus is and how much He has done for me and it took a weekend surrounded by loving, caring, crazy people who all love God to bring me back to the right path. (:(:(:


and....

haha. It's just so nice.

I've forgiven everyone that hurt me and I don't have all that stuff piled up on my shoulders now that used to make me so sad and upset all the time. I don't feel upset about any of that anymore and ah...

it's just so wonderful to be happy again. (:(:(:(:(:(:






I love you all! :DDDDD

The Wandering Things.

I need to get up real early tomorrow and it's already past one, so I'm gonna say a few things that pop into my head and then bailll.

kthanx.



First of all;;;;;

Michael Jackson just died. Oh fuck.
I'm very sorry sir, and I hope you have a wonderful afterlife.

Nexxxt;;

I've realized that I don't like most of the pictures I've been taking lately and I don't like the fact that I hardly know what I'm doing photography wise, so I'm going to be taking a break from everything else and I'll be spending a lot of time at Barnes and Nobles or something and read up on Photography books to make sure my skills can become hella dank.

mmmmmm;;;;;;

I'm sick of the way I look.
And you know what? I used to make myself vomit. Pretty much all of last year.
Nobody even knows how fucking much I hate the way I loook, but it's okay. (:
I don't do that anymore, though, btw.
I'm exercising a hella lot and not eating as much shit and I've completely stopped drinking soda and now I'm drinking a lot more water.


Another thing;;;;;;;;

I love my bro.
don't get me wrong with how much shit I talk about him all the time, and I'm always going to talk shit about him and make fun of him because he does the same to me and it doesn't even matter.

And then some;;;;;

I like to smoke.
Weed, cigarettes, they're both all right, although I'd probably choose a cigarette over weed.
I like it, though.
I'm not fucking stupid, I know how bad it is for me, but I really just don't give a fuck.

I'm probably going to start smoking more weed soon because I have a friend that grows it himself and everything and we've been hanging out more lately and yeah it's just great and stuffff.

ruffruff;;;;;;

I've been reading everyone else's blogs::::
Libby's
Rich's
Tasha's

and I don't really have anything to say regarding any of them, because I'm sick of dealing with shit like that...
I'm sorry if that sounds bitchy or cold or whatevs but at this point stupid drama over other people has simply lost my interest, and the only true love I have or will ever have is Rory.

And Love;;;;;;










I told you that I was in love with you.
And you told me that was the most beautiful thing you'd ever heard.
Fuck.
I didn't ask for this. You made this. I just can't do this anymore.
I've cried over you and I was so fucking scared because I was in love with you so much but I've been taught my whole life that it's wrong for two girls to be in love or to do some of the things we did but I was in love with you and it didn't matter and I was so scared so scared and now I'm just tired tired tired.

Just For Youuuuuu.

K, so I made a mixtape just for you guys. (:

Go get it and download it and love it!! :D



It's just a random assortment of songs from my computer. :P




http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=635ca76bcf17638536df4e8dca141969e04e75f6e8ebb871





Love!

The Rhythm of a Stranger's Skin

Ahahahahahaha! This is the best fucking song everrrrr. (:


It just makes me giggle.


Baby, you're just too legit. :P




Ah... So it's been quite a while since I've written on here, huh?

Ah... I just forget about everything so easily anymore.






Oh, so I went to Italy.

Please go to my flickr and look at all my photos. (:

Italy was so beautiful. all the people there were gorgeous and the sound of their voices was just nice and good. ah....

I know it's really terrible, but I didn't really miss anyone at all. Especially my family.

Speaking of family, I'm fucking done with chris.



He hates me and anymore I don't even like him. he's a dick and he's fucked up his life so much and now he wants to drag me down with him and he's so so good at manipulating everyone around him to get exactly what he wants.
I"m fucking done.


Just so long as he doesn't die, I don't care what he does anymore.



I want a fucking cigarette.

No I don't.

I just want to be with people and smoke some cigarettes and talk about life..... ah.........


Since I've gotten back from Italy everything has just blurred together and I can never become fully awake and I can never feel things like I used to....


















I've come to the realization that nothing really matters.

But I Consume You.

This is my favorite song right now! :O
I've almost memorized it! haha.

except this is the only one I can't find and download on limewire... :/



But anywhos.

I was chattin' it up on the Neopets boards (total nerd right thur. ;D) and people told me about a bunch of great bands and I love! :D




But I need to go to Deadwood now! :D



toodles!

You Can Show Off Your Light

Ah... So it's 12:02 AM and I'm not even tired. :D

No, no, I'm not on anything, although I wouldn't blame you for assuming after my last post. I was coming down when I posted that...

Fuuuccckkkk.

I hated coming down. It was the worst.


But Kaycie had a really pretty bong... :D
It makes the silliest noise, too... haha.
And I really wanted the pipe. Just to hold in my mouth and walk around with. Y'know?

Oh gosh. I called Travis when it was finally starting to hit me. I probably took the most hits, besides Dyllan. It just wasn't working at first... And Kaycie said that a lot of people don't get high their first time, which kind of dissapointed me. So they just kept giving me more turns to take a hit... Haha.

And then it hit me like a fucking brick wall.

It was great at the time.


Nothing mattered. Everything was distant and good. I didn't care about anything. My legs and arms and my whole body was just heavy and then light and then heavy again. My mom texted me something at one point and I just started cheesin' out.

It was great.


Until I had to go home.

I had already started coming down after Little Ceasar's...

Oh gosh. That was one of the worst parts.
We went to go get pizza at Little ceasars and everything was so fast. Everything was really defined, too. I could see everything but I couldn't focus on any of it, and I'd blink and I'd be somewhere else. Fuck, I hated it. I think the guy working could tell, too. I know I kept looking everywhere and at everything, so I bet I looked rather odd, if anything.

And then I didn't feel normal again until later that night.


Fuck.

I like cigarettes better, although I wouldn't want to smoke anything without sharing it with another person. I dunno, I just don't see the point in smoking alone. It seems like more of a social thing to me, and it's not like the buzz from cigarettes is that great anyways. :/

And weed is only good when you're with other people because otherwise you're just sitting alone cheesin' out at whatever and just... Shit. shitty shitty shit.
Fuck.


Me and Travis shared a cigarette at work the other day. They tasted kinda like caramel. haha. :P



Ah... I would make a post like Libby and Steph's, but I've only ever had one boyfriend, and he was pretty cool. We're still friends and all.
I broke it off because I could never see myself spending the rest of my life with him, and because I didn't like kissing him. :/

But we're still good friends and we play Pokemon together! :D



Ah, but I digress.

I rented Requiem for a Dream today, so I'm going to watch that right now.
:)

Nighty night, kittens!


I love!

Then When I Turn Jet Black

Hehe.
Silly videos for a silly girl's blog post. (:

I was sooooooo baked this morning... teehee.

But I'm tired now after such an exciting day, so I'm gonna go to bed and I'll tell you guys all about it tomorrow. ;D

Love! =D

And Come Out At Night

The following is a nice poem by Billy Collins that I found in this amazing book in my school's library, called, Sailing Alone Around The Room.


Not Touching


The Valentine of Desire is pasted over my heart
and still we are not touching, like things

In a poorly done still life
where the knife appears to be floating over the plate
which is itself hovering above the table somehow,

the entire arrangement of apple, pear, and wineglass
having forgotten the law of gravity,
refusing to be still,

as if the painter had caught them all
in a rare moment of slow flight
just before they drifted out of the room
through a window of perfectly realistic sunlight.




I Love. :)

You Can Hide Underneath Me

Gosh...
I get into these moods where I'm just really sad...
I've been really sad basically this whole past weekend and a little while the week before, but it changed this morning and now I'm happy again!

I don't know when I started doing that, but it's just a regular thing.

Like, when I'm always sad and stuff and I just start crying all the time over the most random things, or sometimes not for any reason at all, I know at least that it'll be over eventually and I'll be happy again. I just have to wait out the sad times, however long they take. Sometimes it's only a day or two.
Sometimes it's weeks.

I don't like it.

But I just can't help it...

Bleh.

Trever gets more adderol on the 10th. That should be exciting.
:o

And then I might be doing some other stuff this saturday...

Haha, and this guy that's friends with Andy was going to bring us sleeping pills, and Becca explained to me that when you take them but stay awake you see stuff...
But I don't know if he'll ever bring it. :/

I love you, Libby.

And now I need to go do a heck-a lot of homework so that I can get plenty of sleep tonight! :D

Oh, and I'm getting a roll of film developed today and I should have it by either tomorrow or Wednesday. So be prepared to see some more of my pictures. (:


I love you all lots!! ♥

I'll Be Your Sky

Please, remember me.


I'm jaded and numb.
I can't feel things anymore.

Everything that should make me cry just leaves me feeling blank.



I want to paint.

I want to take pictures.
I just want to go everywhere and take pictures.

Everything is.

it is.


Fuck. Why does it all matter?
I had waited so long for my first kiss, because that's what's supposed to happen. And then, because you waited so long for it to be with that special, right person, then something magical happens and you both fall in love and eventually you get married and then you make love and it's all beautiful and wonderful.

But.. It didn't. My first kiss didn't even feel special or nice or good or magical
or anything.

I didn't understand.

And good girls aren't supposed to do much else besides kissing, so I never did. We made out all the time.

And there was never anything there.

I always found myself drifting off with my thoughts, thinking about what I was going to do later that night, what homework I still had to do, etc. It just wasn't anything I even enjoyed.

And that's mainly why I broke it off.


I mean, why shouldn't I just go out and have sex, if that's what guys want and if it's never going to feel special or good or magical or anything? It's just what we're all supposed to do to continue our species.
It's just mating.
It's just survival.


Things are so fucked up.

But I love you.

If You Be My Star

Once upon a time there was a girl named Merecedes. She was entering her Junior year of high school, filled with ambitions and hopes, hurt trapped away and covered with silly songs of love and joy.
Unlike the year before, she started this year with a best friend in tow. The young sir's name was Rich, and she couldn't imagine a better day than just playing games or watching movies with this boy.
As the year progressed she got involved in a few things like Theater and various clubs, meanwhile her and Rich slowly drifted apart.
His stupid, bitchy girlfriend ruined everything and created a lot of heartache and drama, and he never got over her, and by the looks of things now, probably won't ever get over.
Merecedes has now moved out to the middle of butt-fuck-nowhere, aka, the other side of town, and doesn't live as close to Rich anymore.
Things sucked for a while.
Fuuuuuuuuuuckkk.
Her life.

Wow. This story sucks. I'm gonna skip to the good part.

But then Merecedes made new best friends, considering Rich had replaced her with a bunch of freshmen girls that drooled over him all day. And now she is VERY happy.
Of course, her and Rich still talk and such, but she got sick of dealing with all his fucked up shit.
And now she is content.
She isn't quite as scared of the future anymore.
Her brother is in JDC and everyday she has at least one person tell her what an idiot he is.
But it's okay, because she doesn't blame herself anymore.
Because it's not her fault.
And she's tried a few things that she used to never even give a second thought about.
Smoking cigarettes.
Drinking alcohol.
And neither of them were as great as everyone had made them out to be, so she didn't do either anymore. (Maybe a few more cigarettes, but she is for reals done with that, and getting her friends to quit, too.)

But she tried them.
And it was great, because she felt alive, and free, because she made the choice all by herself to do those things, and she also made the choice to not do those things again.

And she's happy.

And she doesn't need a fucking guy.
Like, legit. No sarcasm and stuff.
If one comes along that interests her a bit, she might try something, see how things work and if she likes it.
But really, that's not even an issue anymore.

Although she would like to just make out with either that Brazilian exchange student, or the German exchange student, just because.

I would say 'The End'
but I don't believe it's finished yet.

You're beautiful, and I love you!

Gosh. That was my favorite picture out of my first set.
Now it's all edited and stuff and looks pretty badass, if I do say so myself. Haha.
I'm a nerd.
:P

Speaking of nerds.... Rich's gameboy got stolen!! D:
And the worst part was that his pokemon game was stolen as well... The one with the completed pokedex on it. :(

Luckily, though, Platinum comes out in less than a week! I reserved a copy of it at toys R us for his birthday, so at least he'll have a new game soon. :P


Aaagghh.... I love everyone.
:D


Last friday was real nice. :)
I can't remember if I've blogged about it......

...

Nope.

Me and Becca went to Nutty's. (A local bar) But don't worry!! I didn't drink any alcohol! :D
It all tastes bad anyways. xP
We just went to see the bands play, because it was an all ages show.
There ended up being no mosh pit, but it was still good. :)
Becca's boyfriend was real scary though...... I thought he was going to eat her.
Like, fo shizz. He stared at her so intently. and he always looked quite angry. D:

Anywaysssss....

We had another Italy meeting last night and I'm even more excited!!!! AH!
This summer is going to be so great. :)
And T-mo switched us to a different airline and stuff so we won't have a layover in Amsterdam.

Dang.... And I was hoping to go smoke some pot too...
JUST KIDDING! :P

But I am so excited for Italy! teehee. :)



And I have lots of homework to do, so I'm gonna go!

Nighty night! I love you! :D

Love Life And Life Will Love You Back

Look what I can do!
Haha. All these pictures above were taken by me on my Canon FT QL. (Given to me by Libby. :D LOVE)
I seriously am thinking that photography is what I want to do in life... Like, I'm pretty sure that's what I'm gonna go to college for, and I really hope that I can end up being a photographer for a living.
That's nice.
I like it.

And I get a Canon Rebel XTi for my birthday!! ah! Love! everywhere! :D

LOOK AT IT:

Isn't it pretty? :)

I'm going to name it Hemmingway, I think.
That just sounds right. ;D

My polaroid Sun 600's name is Ruth and I think my FT QL's name is Stegosaurus. but I don't even remember. haha. :P


So many things are going on in life right now, though... AH.


I'm fucking horny.
woah.
Sorry 'bout that... I don't even know where that came from... :P

GO THERE:
http://lmaccessories.bigcartel.com/

I'm gonna buy the Unicorn necklace fo' shizzzz!!

I decided I want a guy. But we don't have any fucking mature ones at Lincoln, so I might have to resort to looking elsewhere. But I dunno where to look. D:


Ah... This is getting kinda long, and I don't want you guys to have to read, like, a whole novel every time I have a new post, so I'll finish up soon. :P

One of my favorite places to go is right here:
flickr

I'm going to start uploading my pictures on there, although they won't be anywhere near as good as all the other legit photographers on there, but whatevs.
I'll get better with time and practice.
And vomit.
What?

Here's a few of my favorite photographers on there:
Mitchell Davis (He does have a youtube, too.)
Aubirdy
Allisson Killa
Evan Birch
And... The mario guy. lawls. :P

Go. Look at their pretty pictures and become happy. :D

Rocketships and Radios

Good morning. I say this because, it is now 7:38 AM.

Don't believe me?







But it's 44° in San Francisco so all is good! :P

Ah... I haven't been very good about blogging as of late. >:(
lawls.
I've just been so busy... And my mom and dad don't ever let me get on the computer anymore anyways. And I'm just going to get upset if I talk about my parents anymore on hear because my mom has been really crazy lately and it angers me immensely. D:<>www.myspace.com/nickasaur

I love it. :)

Ah... I feel asleep last night... I'm such an idiot...

Becca and Morgan and Tim and Dyllan were all gonna come bust me out last night and we were gonna have lots of fun and it was going to be really great, but...

I FELL ASLEEP.

And I woke up this morning and I had two missed calls around midnight.
One from Becca.
One from Morgan.

I was very fucking upset. I actually said fuck. As I was laying in bed.

Yeah...

Whatevs, though.
We're all still gonna have lots of fun today...
:D

But I'm still really pissed at myself...

It's just something about this house... It makes me tired and by 11 I couldn't keep my eyes open..... D:

Oh well...
I'll just learn from this and stuff. There's nothing I can do now I suppose. :P

Hm... I think that's it. I don't know what else to really say. haha. :P

LOVE!

Sorry For The Hiatus, Kittens...

...But I'm back. ;D

I've just been real busy with... Everything. Ah...

And now I've found myself just sitting here on the end of my bed in my pajamas with some good music playing and a glass of chocolate milk, all ready to talk about my feelings.

I love.

Hehe. :)

Things have just been really happy lately... I dunno. haha.

I hung out with Bill the other day for like... An hour or so...? :P
Whatevs.
It was pretty cool, though. He seems like a pretty great guy. And I mean, he likes Pokemon, so obviously he has to be pretty cool. :P

I've felt real self-concious lately and stuff, though. It sucks. :(
And I don't really know. Haha. Like, I can never be fucking pretty enough for myself. I just feel so ugly and fat and stupid.

haha. I'm dumb.

I don't know what's wrong with me anymore.

But I'm still happy most of the time... What the f*** is up with that? haha. I'm just pretty screwed up in the head!
Weeeeeee!

But... I don't really feel like writing anything else now. So good night. :)

I love you! :D

In The Quiet Waiting.

Sometimes, you just want to sit.
And enjoy

Everything.

Because you come to the realization that you won't always be here.

What if this the last sunset I'll ever see? Or if that's the last time I'll hug a friend goodbye?

Speaking of which, there's exactly one hour until Rich turns 18.

Now 59 minutes.

As I said in my last post, I haven't updated in quite a while... :/
And I'm sorry for that.
And once again, as I said in my last post, I really did just forget about it. Haha.
:P

I dunno.

58 Minutes.

But I'm thinking that I'm gonna start blogging again, like, hardcore! >:D
Things shouldn't be quite as busy anymore anyways now that I'm not doing Romeo & Juliet...

53 Minutes.

Well, I guess I'm still doing it... Just makeup.

Fuck.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to.
I don't even know when I started swearing... It just happened one day...

56 Minutes.

55 Minutes.

54 Minutes.

I'm doing it again.
Nothing.

53 Minutes.

To answer the question you're probably thinking: yes. This is completely pointless. If you wanted to stop reading right now and go do something worthwhile then go ahead, I don't blame you.

52 Minutes.

I want to take pictures. I want to make something of my life. I want to be able to capture something ordinary and make it look new.

51 Minutes.

What is this?

50 Minutes.

I don't know what I'm doing. Everything is quite silly, including me. I can feel my skin growing older and looser and it's all too much. Really. It's going to float away.

48 Minutes.

Please, please, don't lie to me. I can handle anything but all of the fucking lying. Fuck.
I'm feeling odd. No, not really. Just kidding. I'm not really feeling much of anything.
At all. Hm.
What does it mean when your best friend ditches you to become friends with your brother? Or when your other best friend just decides she doesn't want to be friends with you anymore so she stops answering all of your fucking calls and won't give you a straight reason for why she never wants to even talk to you anymore or look you in the eyes?
I wouldn't know.

45 Minutes.

Why is music so great? I love. I can just get lost listening to anything lately. Actually, here, I'll make a little "mixed tape" for you. Except it's not a real mixed tape because then I don't know how I'd give it to you over the internet. :P
So here:

The Becoming -- Your Love
Muse -- Bliss
Disciple -- Rise Up
Anberlin -- The Feel Good Drag (Basically One of my most favorite bands and one of my most favorite songs by them. :D Plus, they're all extremely nice looking.)
The Classic Crime -- The Fight
Willet -- Taste
The Smiths -- Asleep (Beautiful song)
Tokyo Police Club -- Cheer It On
Pinback -- Boo

And that's pretty much it for now.
Aren't they nice? Boo is one of my favorite songs ever. :)

29 Minutes.

28 Minutes.

Aaaaaghgheal;sjskhfeshkjnsiojansdskjla;askljdfasjkvdn.
I'm staying awake until midnight so I can be the first to wish Rich a happy birthday, but I'm growing bored... :/

Hm...

24 Minutes.

Haha. I'm playing me some neopets. >:)

19 Minutes.

18 Minutes.

Owning n00bs on Neo...

7 Minutes.

Well. That was cute. They have some special thing going on where you can send your score on all of the games 5 times instead of 3 during the month of february, so I just earned 10000 NP in a few minutes. ;D

6 Minutes.

It was cute.

Ah... I do believe it's time for me to go now.

5 Minutes.

Love.

Everything In Moderation

Hullooooo Thur!

I know, I know, it's been FOREVS since I last posted, but I really just kinda forgot about it. Haha. :P

Annnddd... This isn't going to be anything special because I'm at Rich's and I really wanna go watch The Nightmare Before Christmas because I've never seen it before. :D

So yah.

I GOT A FREAKING SHAYMIN!!!!!!!!!!

The End.

Love.