Lovin' Life

Ah... I haven't posted anything for so long...

I really was hoping to update this every day, but obviously that didn't happen.
I've just been super busy these past few days and haven't had much computer time at all.

But yeah...

I really don't have anything to talk about right now, though...

So... I guess this is it.


Love.

Brand New Colony by The Postal Service

Blah... This is one of my most favorite songs ever, and here are the lyrics:




I'll be the grapes fermented,
Bottled and served with the table set in my finest suit
Like a perfect gentleman.
I'll be the fire escape that's bolted to the ancient brick
Where you will sit and contemplate your day.

I'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning
In an open tab when your judgement's on the brink.
I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite
Albums back as your lying there drifting off to sleep...
I'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you,
You won't have to strain to look into my eyes.
I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped straight to the throat
With the collar up so you won't catch a cold.

I want to take you far from the cynics in this town
And kiss you on the mouth.
We'll cut out bodies free from the tethers of this scene,
Start a brand new colony
Where everything will change,
We'll give ourselves new names (identities erased)
The sun will heat the grounds
Under our bare feet in this brand new colony.

Everything will change, oOo oOo...




This song is just so amazing... It's about love, and when I listen to it... Ah, I just imagine that maybe a guy feels that way about me. Or maybe a guy will feel that way about me some day...
Blah...

I just can't get over it...
And one of my favorite lines from it is, "I'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you,
You won't have to strain to look into my eyes."
Mostly, because I can relate to this, considering I'm pretty short... Ah, love.

And then my other favorite line is, "I want to take you far from the cynics in this town
And kiss you on the mouth."

I'd just love for a guy to say that to me... Lol.


So much emotion... All over the place. I love.

Allow Me To Exaggerate A Memory Or Two...

Blah...

As I mentioned in my previous post, it's time for a story, because today I started crying a lots, and although my phone breaking was kinda what set it off, that was definitely not the main reason... It wasn't really even anywhere near that.

I had just been having a weird day... It had been good for the most part, but the day... It was the weather, the sights, everything.
It reminded me of a few former friends...
Story time, kiddies.




Last summer I had three best friends. Jared, Anni, and Jana. It was days like today that we'd spend doing whatever at Anni's house or the park or wherever we felt like, really.
I still remember every morning I'd get up and get ready and stuff, then I'd call Jana sometime after noon (She could drive, so... ) and then we'd usually go pick up Anni and Jared, or they'd already be there, and then we'd all go do whatevs.
It was great.
I hadn't had best friends since I left my old school... Three years before then.
I loved it. Just being with them made me forget about everything and knowing I had people that I could tell anything to...
It was nice.


Well, summer doesn't last forever.

And as expected, school came around. Instead of getting involved in drama hardcore again like Anni and I were the year before, we kinda stayed away from it...
One big mistake.
If I had stayed involved in theater I probably would've avoided a lot of crap. But too late for that.

Eventually we stopped hanging out as much because of school and such... But then things started falling apart.

It'd be a Saturday or Sunday most likely. I'd call Jana sometime after noon wanting to hang out, but she didn't answer her phone. Okay, whatevs. I figured I'd just call in half an hour or so. The next few Half hours went by, and she wasn't answering her phone still. Okay, still whatevs. She's probably at a movie or something, right? I'll just wait for an hour now. Okay, two hours now? Three... Oh. It's already 9:30 PM...? Dang.

Then at school the next day I'd be told something like, "Oh sorry, I was at a movie."
Um. Thanks for lying to me...?
The next weekend the same thing happened.
The next monday I got another excuse, (Although it was more believable.) And it happened again a couple times... So I figured that I'd done my part.

Obviously, I was just calling at the wrong times.
Yeah.


Gosh... I still remember laying in my bed and practically crying my eyes out during all those nights...

So I just stopped calling.
It hurt. Real bad.
And she didn't even care...
I waited so long for her to call; she was my best friend. That's what they do, right? They eventually realize something's wrong and they call to find out what... Or they at least call to hang out or talk... Or that's what I assumed would happen, considering we were friends.

But no.
She never did.

One day at school, after a few weeks of this, Anni comes up to me in class and asks why I haven't been calling them anymore.
Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha.
Well why the heck haven't you called me?
I just asked her that, a bit nicer, and then she just looked kinda confused and whatevs.

The bell rang and I kinda got out of the room as fast as I could before I started crying again...




Well... Things basically continued from there. I didn't really ever talk to Jana again, although I do still keep in touch with Anni and Jared, actually...
Ah, that's for another time.


The End.

What A Beast.

Yeah.
The picture actually has something to do with what I'm ranting about this time.

Love.

Honestly... The phrase that keeps popping into my head randomly for the past few days has been, "Wow... Life is kinda sucking right now."

I mean, there's issues at home, and it seems there there's issues (Although they're not quite as bad) everywhere else...

And the worst thing is, I think all the other issues are because I'm getting really jealous, and it's annoying the freakin' heck out of me. Like, I get these nasty (As in mean, not gross...) thoughts in my head, and I know I'm just jealous of others because... Blah...


I don't want to lose my best friend again.

M'kay? Is that so bad!? I feel like a terrible person, and I hate being like this, and it's almost enough to make me want to start cutting, or go back to making myself puke and such (Maybe I'll tell about that another time... But I haven't done it for a few weeks now. Yes. The proper term for that is Bulimia) but then... Ah, I couldn't do that.
Especially cutting... I don't have a very high pain tolerance.

Honestly. I feel like a jerk-douche-terribleperson-non-loving-freak.
Ah, he's my best friend, but then I hear about these girls who have become his new friends, and they're all flirting with him and stuff, most likely. (I mean, when they first met him they told him he was cute. And that was their reason for asking for his phone number.)

fghjiuouylitfugjhbkbawo;isflknma/s;dfsioalkn/asdfklnas.,f/kdfj;oasl/nfd/asdkjfbaslkjdf/laksdfl;ksahfnkjhfilvbkbgeathr


As I said before I'm jealous... And I don't like it, I really don't...



But whatevs. I just keep telling myself that I'm just overly jealous and being a total, not nice freak. Nothing like what a friend should be...


I'm sorry.



Ah. And then to top it all off I shattered the screen on my phone.
Yeah, I cried... I knew that my dad was going to make me pay for the next phone, and just so many things were going through my mind then too... Blah. I kinda felt like I exploded. Through my eyes.

Well, I think it's time for a story.
And, being as the odd person I am, it'll be in a new Blog post for various reasons:
One, because it'll be more organized and cute and stuff.
Two, because it kinda doesn't have as much to do with this post.


Jealousy is a beast.

Dried Tears; Makeup Smears

I feel like crap and I feel like I'm gonna puke...
Not because I'm sick, but just because... I don't know why.

Last night I had the worst headache in the world, and I had to take a bunch of drugs (The legal kind... Don't make assumptions) to try and make it go away, but they only made me want to throw up. Ah... Maybe I should have just puked... Certainly the Taco John's I had isn't going to help me lose any of my fat.
But no, I just curled up in my bed trying to stop the pounding in my head, and hoped that I could sleep.

Haha. That's a good one.

No one else seemed to want to let me sleep.
Just to let you know, I use my phone as an alarm, and I've also got this fear that if I, like, ever turn my phone off, someone is going to call me then and it'll be a huge emergency, but they won't have any way to get a hold of me. So my phone stays on, right by my bedside, all night long.

Anyways, so I was laying there feeling like crap, and my cousin texts me a picture of her hand all mangled and bloody so immediately I start freaking out, but my phone had been dead earlier and was charging now; so I stumbled across my room without my glasses and could hardly even see what I was entering, but I managed to ask her if that was real or just makeup, and then I kinda tripped/jumped into my bed. Of course, because I had been woken up once, I wasn't able to get to sleep as easily, but then I was finally feeling tired again so of course she texts me back and is all "wat do u think? duh it's makeup love. lol." and I was all, "Oh. Lol. You're silly. I'm gonna sleep now. Night my loof."
But then I lay back down and literally, like a minute later, I get 3 new texts and my phone is freaking out because my inbox is full, and I'm all "Oh my freaking gosh! Just let me sleep!!!" D=

And it was my cousin saying good night, and then another friend of mine reminding me that she's having a fire at her house this friday. So I was about to tell her I'd be there, and she sends another text to me because she's all "ah! it says my last text didn't send to you, did you get it!?" So I reassured her, and then she told me good night, and I finally went to sleep.

I had laid down at 10:00.
I didn't get to sleep until around 11ish...


And then, my night just kept getting better and better. I woke up at 4:12 (Yes, I do in fact remember the exact time) and because of issues not headache related, I just started crying my eyes out. Life just really kinda sucks right now and I don't even know why. Dang.
I really wanted to call someone; I really wanted someone to hold me and tell me it was okay.

But we can't always get what we want.

I couldn't really think of who I could even call.



And now there's eyeliner all over my pillow. Cute.

Good Morning, Love.

Ah... I love.
Good morning.


I just found out I have a dentist appointment in three weeks...
Looks like I'll have to start brushing my teeth more. Gross.
Well, it's not that I don't like brushing my teeth, I can just never seem to remember to do it...



Well, I have summer school now, so enjoy the rest of your school-free day. (Unless of course you have summer school. In that case, I wish you luck on not falling asleep or failing.)

What A Nice Day.

So I think I've started a pattern with this. (Totally unintentional)
It seems that I usually post one in the morning, and then one at night. This is not set in stone, though, so if this pattern breaks one day, don't get mad at me.

Anyways, it's Father's Day, and the weather has been lovely, if not a bit too hot for my liking. To all the Daddies out there; Happy Father's Day! And to all those not-daddies out there... Get busy, I suppose. I don't know what else I'm supposed to tell you...



I've been listening to All American Rejects, like, all day... I don't have much music on my ipod, (It's one of the tiny little shuffle guys, and it's purple... [: ) so yeah... But they're actually really good.
Just a note; when I find a song I really like, I usually listen to it over and over until I have it memorized. This has happened with quite a few of All American Reject's songs lately, and today I've been listening to a song-I think it's called Stab My Back, but don't quote me on that-and I don't know why, but I just really like it...

"Stab my back, it's better when I breathe for you."
That's, like, one of the main verses in the chorus, and I just... Ah! It is love.



It's better when I breathe for you...

Sweet Action Fo' Sho'

This is the first in many random drawings I'll be putting up here.

No, these do not have some deep representation of me as a person, or my feelings; they're just simple drawings transferred from my mind to paper and then to where you are seeing them right now.

I want some of that Sweet Action. Dinosaurs are love.



Rawr!

Right Now...

Right now I'm feeling sick from eating too much popcorn and drinking too much sweet soda.
I'm kinda just wanting to puke, it usually makes me feel better.

Right now I'm also trying to make sense of the things around me. I don't know how I really feel about my best friend, or how he feels about me. I've never done this before, and I don't know how to handle it. He's one of the few people I can spend a whole day with and just be totally happy the whole time. I do feel really sad and kinda lonely when I'm not with him. And maybe it's because my hormones are extremely high at the moment or something, but I just kinda feel like crying... Ah!
I feel kinda Emo.

Right now I'm wanting to put some new songs on my ipod, because I'm getting a bit tired of the ones I have. But I can't figure out how to work my itunes, so I'll just listen to all these songs over and over, and hopefully I'll have them all memorized soon. Whatevs.

Right now I'm thinking the sky looks like love. I went to a movie and as I was walking through the parking lot, I noticed just how pretty the sky was. It was a perfect kodak moment; a warm summer night with the moon peeking through a thin blanket of clouds. And yes, I did take a picture.

Right now, at 10:51 PM, June 14, 2008 I'm feeling a lot better than I was before I started writing this.

Cute.

So What Are The Written Thoughts of a Teenage Lover?

Many of you are probably looking at the Title of my blog, and are getting a bit confused, or you're just plain getting the wrong idea. When I describe myself as a "Teenage Lover", I do not mean love, as in 'Making love' to someone. No, no, no. I'm a virgin and proud of it. I also plan on staying one until There's a ring on my finger.
But what I mean is, I'm a lover. I love life. Love is one of my favorite words, and I use it to describe most things around me; I say it without any pretext, or in situations where most people wouldn't expect it.

Really, I think I'm in love with love.


Anyways, now that I've gotten that all cleared up, I suppose I should introduce myself, hm?

My name is Mercy, and I'm in my teen years, as you might have guessed. I prefer to not say where I live, or really any other personal information at all. Mercy might not even be my real name, but who knows. It's the internet, where men can be women and children can be adults. Truth can be lies and most things aren't always what they seem.


The purpose of this Blog... Well, really it's just so I have a place to record my thoughts, a journal perhaps, where others can see what I'm thinking.




Now how was that for an Introduction?