Addictions Fill The Table Where The Family Used To Sit

Look, I colored that picture I had drawn the other day. :)

I actually typed this up a few days ago, but am just now uploading it.

Sept. 12 11:59 PM

Lately I’ve found myself on the verge of tears a lot of times. And, although I usually am a pretty emotional person, I’ve haven’t ever quite gotten to that breaking point where I come down and cry. I can feel the tears fill my eyes, brimming nearly to the point of over flowing, but then it all calms and I return to my solid mask of placidity.

Most of it has to do with Chris.

The rest has to do with me and my female hormones.

But... It just hurts. And, I don’t even like to talk about him anymore...
Thinking about what he’s done, what he’s doing right now...

It really, literally, physically hurts.

And then he was trying to protect me.
To know that he feels bad for subjecting me to this...

Yet, even though I don’t know, obviously other people do.
I mean, it was bad enough having to deal with all the crap about him being a huge pot head and stuff, but...
My partner in AP Environmental Science (APES) actually said to me the other day:
“So what happened to Chris? I heard he got arrested.” Chris and the rest of my family wouldn’t want me spreading anything, so anymore I reply with an automatic response:
“I don’t know. Sorry.”

It hurts, now, just thinking about everything...
I haven’t seen him in over a week, and I don’t even know now if he’s still in JDC or just at his mom’s house...



Where’d my big brother go?

We Sure Are Cute For Two Ugly People

Aw... Look. I drew this the other night.
It got kinda cut off when I took a picture of it (I didn't feel like breaking out my huge, chunky scanner. :P) but it said, "We Sure Are Cute For Two Ugly People" which is from the song, Anyone Else But You by The Moldy Peaches.

<3

Love.

We Can Just Pretend

Lifelight = Love, love, love, love, love.

I could write, like, 500 posts all just about lifelight, but I probably won't.

Also, I'm supposed to be writing a descriptive essay right now, (It's about Lifelight. Ha. Ha.) and my mom just called and said that I can't go and do anything until I'm done... And she called right after Rich did, wanting me to come over. Oh geez. I should probably get on that...

Well, here's what I have so far:


Merecedes
Period 6
Descriptive Essay

All around bodies are pressed close; heat rising and sweat dripping. We move as one; a single, massive body swaying and writhing to the beat of the music. Frenetic screams and shouts intermingle with the shrill chords of guitars and throbbing pulsations of the drums. Out of the dark speakers towering high above the stage, pours the voice of an eccentric musician that has become the only voice that can be heard. Soon the frenzied rhythm of the song demands for all to jump and we obey, our dust coated and worn legs thrust the rest of our bodies into the night air again and again. If only this chilly, exciting night could go on forever.
For a moment we’ll turn back the pendulum to before the Family Force Five concert began. A sizable crowd had already formed around the flashy stage. Each person gathered there was eagerly awaiting the first significant sounds of the music to begin, although the sound check would probably take another half hour or so. The sounds of hundreds of different feet shuffling amidst the dirt and dust was hardly audible above the roar coming from the multitude, each speaking louder than the next in order to be heard. Considering that trying to talk over the raucous clamor would be nearly impossible, I turned to look at the fading sky behind me.
By now the sun was no longer even visible, but milky pinks and oranges spilled across the darkened sky in the West; darkness slowly took over from the East, only to be punctured by tiny, pinpoint stars. A prodding in my arm brought me back to the now, and I turned my head to see Kirstin reaching out for me with one hand while jabbing her other between people to forge a path closer to the stage. My searching fingers clasped her arm tightly as the mass threatened to split us apart, and soon we found our own niche in the crowd.




Eugepae!
Eheu!
Mehercule!

=P

Anyways... Yah. It only has to be five paragraphs, so I'm basically half way done.

Blah. I'll go do it.

I just realized that I hadn't updated this for a very long time... So yah.

Hur you go.



Love.

Urinals. Cute, cute.

I GOT A TABLET!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I downloaded photoshop illegally! :D
...

Eugepae! (:

And I drew that picture with my tablet. ;D

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah... I had to go back to school today... x.o
My first day as a Junior.

It wasn't my favorite.

Throughout the whole day I had an absolutely hideous and terrible migraine that left me semi dazed and confused all the time.
This led to some problems.
One, I couldn't focus on what the teachers were saying, so I can only hope that all the homework I did is the only homework I had to do... >.>

And two, well... Haha...
Lunch had just gotten over, so I was gonna go to the bathroom real quick, and since I was already really out of it, I just went into the bathroom, not really paying much attention.
I got in there, and I was thinking, "Woah... It looks different in here. Has there always been sinks right there?" I just kinda pushed it to the back of my mind and turned to where the stalls were.
Or were supposed to be.
And instead, there was only one stall, and then where the other stalls should have been, there were a bunch of urinals lining the wall.

OH Crap.

Yah, so I was in the guys' bathroom...
But luckily no guys were in there. Wow, I think I probably would have ran all the way home and not have ever come back.
But since no one else was in there, I just quickly walked back out and ran into the girls' room.

I think some chick was laughing at me when I came out, but I wasn't for sure, and I could really care less what some chick who I don't know thinks about me and what I do.

So in the end it all worked out. =P



Ugh... I dunno... I just couldn't get in a very happy mood for a good portion of today... I didn't like it. :(






And then I saw some kid that looked exactly like Connor.
Like, I had to do a double take...

-whimpers-

Sleepers Can't Just Wake The Dead When Needles And Lovers Collapse On Guilty Beds

Music Listened to while typing this:

Godspeed, Enjoy The Silence (Depeche Mode), Embrace the Dead, Adelaide, Love Song, Cadence, Hello Alone, Reclusion, Alexithymia, Fin, Paperthin Hymn, The Feel Good Drag, and There's No Mathematics To Love And Loss, all by Anberlin.

Smooth Criminal by Alien Ant Farm
First Date and I Miss You by Blink 182




Oh my gaaaaawrsssshsssssss... It's been way too long since I've updated this. x.o
Ugh, I've just been... Occupied... >.>
*cough*NEOPETS*cough*

Yeah. >.<>.> Ugh. I don't deserve to be called a Pokemon Trainer... My Dex status is... No. I'm too ashamed to even say it... D;


Aaaaaaaaah! I went to the mall today with Chantel and Ryan, and it was real cute. =D
Although, I didn't even by anything... Haha. It works.

Wait, scratch that. I bought a smoothie. C=

We also went to the World Market, and I bought...
Leechy flavored Ramune
Milk flavored soft candy
MITSUYA CIDER (LOVE LOVE LOVE)
Strawberry Pocky
And some other little candy that was basically chocolate and strawberry... Chocolates.
I didn't like that one much. <.<

I'm getting a tablet! =D
*squeals with joy*
I've wanted a tablet for sooooooooooo long it's not even funny, and then Ryan found one at Best buy that was, like, only seventy bucks, as opposed to the 100 and 350 dollar ones that were also there. O.O

So I'mma gonna go get that later. (=




={O~

Back when Jared was, like, the only person I ever talked to through texting, we randomly made up that smilie. =P
Good times, good times...
He has a moustache and a gotee....


"All I ever wanted, all I ever needed was here in my arms..."



So in Escape news, Rachel taught me how to run the MediaShout thinger before she left to College! I'll miss her... D=
But yeah, so now during Praise and Worship I get to go up to the little booth thing and run the slides with the lyrics and such. O:

Tori and Dustin got back from their honeymoon last week, too, and it's so cute!! ^-^


"You sell yourself so cheap, sleep with the night to carry on..."

Woah, I totally forgot that I was making Macaroni and Cheese, and the water was boiling hard core...

Mwahahahaha. I have my MSN status set to (Appear Offline) so now I can see who's on, but they can't see that I'm signed in. >:)
Mmmmmm... Not like I talk to anyone on there anymore anyway... Haha. Every now and then I talk to Elizabeth, Candy, Nikki, or my other Escape buddies, and then, like, every couple months Anni will randomly talk to me. Hmmmmm... The last time I talked to her was... I dunno, some time this summer. But we talked about Jana a little bit I think... She said she tried to call her and try to get everything sorted out between them, because she didn't want both of them to, like, hate each other, but she hadn't answered.
I just told her that Jana had kinda blown her chance with me and stuffs. =)


Aah! I hate guys! >.<
Except not really.
Anyways...
Yeah, so when the fair came to town, I went there with Chantel, Kether, and Kether's little sister. And then we were standing in line for some ride and some guy comes up and tells me that "his friend thinks I'm attractive, and would like my number" and I'm all, "Uh........ No thanks."

And then we ran away.


THE END.


In case anyone reading this is a hardcore Anberlin fan or something, you've probably noticed that the last five or more posts have been titled with lyrics from their song "Godspeed" from the album Cities.
That song is amaaaaaaaazing with extra a's.
:D

And the title of this blog is pretty deep to me... I dunno, I just LOVE it. I'd try to explain what I think the 'meaning' of it is, but I dun really feel like it. xP

*sigh*
I still have so much to tell about, yet I'm getting sick of typing all this, so I think it'll have to wait until tomorrow.



Godspeed by Anberlin

Burning down neverland (scatter the ashes)
White lines black tar the matches
Is this another death by misadventure
Tell me what you got, what you really got (hey hey!)
We’ll rest in our graves,
Lexington course your veins
Sleepers can't just wake the dead
When needles and lovers collapse on guilty beds

Fall asleep, don't fall asleep
Don't fall asleep

(They lied when they said that the good die young)

THEY LIED WHEN THEY SAID THE GOOD DIE YOUNG!
woah-oh-ah-oh
THEY LIED WHEN THEY SAID THE GOOD DIE YOUNG!
stay with me, stay with me tonight

Burning down bridges now (scatter the ashes)
Godspeed to all you're after
Is this a life left just to remember
Tell them who you were, who you really were (hey hey!)
Kill yourself slowly over time, fashion statement suicide
She's still asleep in a Chelsea hotel
Bad turns to worse, and the worst turns into hell

Fall asleep, don't fall asleep
Don't fall asleep

(God save the eyes that dim tonight)

THEY LIED WHEN THEY SAID THE GOOD DIE YOUNG!
woah-oh-ah-oh
THEY LIED WHEN THEY SAID THE GOOD DIE YOUNG!
Stay with me, stay with me tonight

WOAH-OH-AH-OH

THEY LIED, WHEN THEY SAID THE GOOD DIE YOUNG!
woah-oh-ah-oh
THEY LIED WHEN THEY SAID THE GOOD DIE YOUNG!
Stay with me, stay with me tonight
THEY LIED WHEN THEY SAID THE GOOD DIE YOUNG!
woah-oh-ahoh
THEY LIED WHEN THEY SAID THE GOOD DIE YOUNG!
Stay with me, stay with me tonight.

Lexington Course Your Veins

I went to the park the other day... See me?

Right now I'm listening to: Godspeed by Anberlin (Repeatedly)

I've also been watching Mattg124 for a while tonight... Haha, he's real silly.

Mleh... I've been in the mood to make lots more stop motion films lately... But I probably won't. I'm too lazy, and I keep ending up going and spending the day at other people's houses.



Eugepae!
Sum laeta! ^^ ... Quod per agros curris! >.>

Amo Latium.


So anyways...

Yeah. So, I said in my last post that I'd post what my new pokedex status was as soon as I woke up, because I was gonna play it all night long... And... That didn't really happen. As soon as I woke up I went and played Super Smash Bros. Brawl... And after that I watched Van Helsing and Sweeney Todd at a friend's so I didn't even get back home until 6ish. Then I talked on the phone for a while with a few friends, and eventually I got back on the computer, and it's now... 11:33 PM.

Cute cute.

Buuuuuuuuuuut... Let me get my gameboy and I'll see how many pokemon I added...

Seen: 357

Yay!
I just need to get a hundred or so more before Rich gets back...



Mmm... Park pictures.

We'll Rest In Our Graves

POKEMON POKEMON POKEMON


Music listened to while typing this:

Godspeed by Anberlin
Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol
Awakening by Switchfoot
A-Punk by Vampire Weekend
First Date Mullet by PonyPonyRunRun



Aaaaaah! I applied for a job today... >.<
And... I was thinking about it, like, after I turned in the application...

What if I don't really want a job!? I mean, it'd be really nice to have the money, but then it'll mean that I can't do a lot of the things I do right now...

G'bye freedom...

But I guess I'm getting ahead of myself, because I haven't even had an interview yet... So it's all good.
For now.


But besides that, I've decided that I'm gonna Pokemon it up all night long tonight. Currently in my pokedex, I've seen 349 pokemon.
Tomorrow morning as soon as I wake up, we'll see what my dex status is. ;D




Mmmmmm..... Yes. That's it. Good night!