And Come Out At Night

The following is a nice poem by Billy Collins that I found in this amazing book in my school's library, called, Sailing Alone Around The Room.


Not Touching


The Valentine of Desire is pasted over my heart
and still we are not touching, like things

In a poorly done still life
where the knife appears to be floating over the plate
which is itself hovering above the table somehow,

the entire arrangement of apple, pear, and wineglass
having forgotten the law of gravity,
refusing to be still,

as if the painter had caught them all
in a rare moment of slow flight
just before they drifted out of the room
through a window of perfectly realistic sunlight.




I Love. :)

You Can Hide Underneath Me

Gosh...
I get into these moods where I'm just really sad...
I've been really sad basically this whole past weekend and a little while the week before, but it changed this morning and now I'm happy again!

I don't know when I started doing that, but it's just a regular thing.

Like, when I'm always sad and stuff and I just start crying all the time over the most random things, or sometimes not for any reason at all, I know at least that it'll be over eventually and I'll be happy again. I just have to wait out the sad times, however long they take. Sometimes it's only a day or two.
Sometimes it's weeks.

I don't like it.

But I just can't help it...

Bleh.

Trever gets more adderol on the 10th. That should be exciting.
:o

And then I might be doing some other stuff this saturday...

Haha, and this guy that's friends with Andy was going to bring us sleeping pills, and Becca explained to me that when you take them but stay awake you see stuff...
But I don't know if he'll ever bring it. :/

I love you, Libby.

And now I need to go do a heck-a lot of homework so that I can get plenty of sleep tonight! :D

Oh, and I'm getting a roll of film developed today and I should have it by either tomorrow or Wednesday. So be prepared to see some more of my pictures. (:


I love you all lots!! ♥

I'll Be Your Sky

Please, remember me.


I'm jaded and numb.
I can't feel things anymore.

Everything that should make me cry just leaves me feeling blank.



I want to paint.

I want to take pictures.
I just want to go everywhere and take pictures.

Everything is.

it is.


Fuck. Why does it all matter?
I had waited so long for my first kiss, because that's what's supposed to happen. And then, because you waited so long for it to be with that special, right person, then something magical happens and you both fall in love and eventually you get married and then you make love and it's all beautiful and wonderful.

But.. It didn't. My first kiss didn't even feel special or nice or good or magical
or anything.

I didn't understand.

And good girls aren't supposed to do much else besides kissing, so I never did. We made out all the time.

And there was never anything there.

I always found myself drifting off with my thoughts, thinking about what I was going to do later that night, what homework I still had to do, etc. It just wasn't anything I even enjoyed.

And that's mainly why I broke it off.


I mean, why shouldn't I just go out and have sex, if that's what guys want and if it's never going to feel special or good or magical or anything? It's just what we're all supposed to do to continue our species.
It's just mating.
It's just survival.


Things are so fucked up.

But I love you.

If You Be My Star

Once upon a time there was a girl named Merecedes. She was entering her Junior year of high school, filled with ambitions and hopes, hurt trapped away and covered with silly songs of love and joy.
Unlike the year before, she started this year with a best friend in tow. The young sir's name was Rich, and she couldn't imagine a better day than just playing games or watching movies with this boy.
As the year progressed she got involved in a few things like Theater and various clubs, meanwhile her and Rich slowly drifted apart.
His stupid, bitchy girlfriend ruined everything and created a lot of heartache and drama, and he never got over her, and by the looks of things now, probably won't ever get over.
Merecedes has now moved out to the middle of butt-fuck-nowhere, aka, the other side of town, and doesn't live as close to Rich anymore.
Things sucked for a while.
Fuuuuuuuuuuckkk.
Her life.

Wow. This story sucks. I'm gonna skip to the good part.

But then Merecedes made new best friends, considering Rich had replaced her with a bunch of freshmen girls that drooled over him all day. And now she is VERY happy.
Of course, her and Rich still talk and such, but she got sick of dealing with all his fucked up shit.
And now she is content.
She isn't quite as scared of the future anymore.
Her brother is in JDC and everyday she has at least one person tell her what an idiot he is.
But it's okay, because she doesn't blame herself anymore.
Because it's not her fault.
And she's tried a few things that she used to never even give a second thought about.
Smoking cigarettes.
Drinking alcohol.
And neither of them were as great as everyone had made them out to be, so she didn't do either anymore. (Maybe a few more cigarettes, but she is for reals done with that, and getting her friends to quit, too.)

But she tried them.
And it was great, because she felt alive, and free, because she made the choice all by herself to do those things, and she also made the choice to not do those things again.

And she's happy.

And she doesn't need a fucking guy.
Like, legit. No sarcasm and stuff.
If one comes along that interests her a bit, she might try something, see how things work and if she likes it.
But really, that's not even an issue anymore.

Although she would like to just make out with either that Brazilian exchange student, or the German exchange student, just because.

I would say 'The End'
but I don't believe it's finished yet.

You're beautiful, and I love you!

Gosh. That was my favorite picture out of my first set.
Now it's all edited and stuff and looks pretty badass, if I do say so myself. Haha.
I'm a nerd.
:P

Speaking of nerds.... Rich's gameboy got stolen!! D:
And the worst part was that his pokemon game was stolen as well... The one with the completed pokedex on it. :(

Luckily, though, Platinum comes out in less than a week! I reserved a copy of it at toys R us for his birthday, so at least he'll have a new game soon. :P


Aaagghh.... I love everyone.
:D


Last friday was real nice. :)
I can't remember if I've blogged about it......

...

Nope.

Me and Becca went to Nutty's. (A local bar) But don't worry!! I didn't drink any alcohol! :D
It all tastes bad anyways. xP
We just went to see the bands play, because it was an all ages show.
There ended up being no mosh pit, but it was still good. :)
Becca's boyfriend was real scary though...... I thought he was going to eat her.
Like, fo shizz. He stared at her so intently. and he always looked quite angry. D:

Anywaysssss....

We had another Italy meeting last night and I'm even more excited!!!! AH!
This summer is going to be so great. :)
And T-mo switched us to a different airline and stuff so we won't have a layover in Amsterdam.

Dang.... And I was hoping to go smoke some pot too...
JUST KIDDING! :P

But I am so excited for Italy! teehee. :)



And I have lots of homework to do, so I'm gonna go!

Nighty night! I love you! :D

Love Life And Life Will Love You Back

Look what I can do!
Haha. All these pictures above were taken by me on my Canon FT QL. (Given to me by Libby. :D LOVE)
I seriously am thinking that photography is what I want to do in life... Like, I'm pretty sure that's what I'm gonna go to college for, and I really hope that I can end up being a photographer for a living.
That's nice.
I like it.

And I get a Canon Rebel XTi for my birthday!! ah! Love! everywhere! :D

LOOK AT IT:

Isn't it pretty? :)

I'm going to name it Hemmingway, I think.
That just sounds right. ;D

My polaroid Sun 600's name is Ruth and I think my FT QL's name is Stegosaurus. but I don't even remember. haha. :P


So many things are going on in life right now, though... AH.


I'm fucking horny.
woah.
Sorry 'bout that... I don't even know where that came from... :P

GO THERE:
http://lmaccessories.bigcartel.com/

I'm gonna buy the Unicorn necklace fo' shizzzz!!

I decided I want a guy. But we don't have any fucking mature ones at Lincoln, so I might have to resort to looking elsewhere. But I dunno where to look. D:


Ah... This is getting kinda long, and I don't want you guys to have to read, like, a whole novel every time I have a new post, so I'll finish up soon. :P

One of my favorite places to go is right here:
flickr

I'm going to start uploading my pictures on there, although they won't be anywhere near as good as all the other legit photographers on there, but whatevs.
I'll get better with time and practice.
And vomit.
What?

Here's a few of my favorite photographers on there:
Mitchell Davis (He does have a youtube, too.)
Aubirdy
Allisson Killa
Evan Birch
And... The mario guy. lawls. :P

Go. Look at their pretty pictures and become happy. :D

Rocketships and Radios

Good morning. I say this because, it is now 7:38 AM.

Don't believe me?







But it's 44° in San Francisco so all is good! :P

Ah... I haven't been very good about blogging as of late. >:(
lawls.
I've just been so busy... And my mom and dad don't ever let me get on the computer anymore anyways. And I'm just going to get upset if I talk about my parents anymore on hear because my mom has been really crazy lately and it angers me immensely. D:<>www.myspace.com/nickasaur

I love it. :)

Ah... I feel asleep last night... I'm such an idiot...

Becca and Morgan and Tim and Dyllan were all gonna come bust me out last night and we were gonna have lots of fun and it was going to be really great, but...

I FELL ASLEEP.

And I woke up this morning and I had two missed calls around midnight.
One from Becca.
One from Morgan.

I was very fucking upset. I actually said fuck. As I was laying in bed.

Yeah...

Whatevs, though.
We're all still gonna have lots of fun today...
:D

But I'm still really pissed at myself...

It's just something about this house... It makes me tired and by 11 I couldn't keep my eyes open..... D:

Oh well...
I'll just learn from this and stuff. There's nothing I can do now I suppose. :P

Hm... I think that's it. I don't know what else to really say. haha. :P

LOVE!